The origins of the cycle of violence theory can be traced back to the 1970s, one of the most influential studies being that of Lenore Walker, who developed the concept of the cycle of violence. This suggests that people who have been abused, particularly in childhood, are more likely to abuse themselves. This idea is often used to explain the prevalence of gender-based violence and why it can be difficult for people to break free from abuse in relationships. Walker\’s study found that abused women often experienced repeated escalating tension, explosive violence, and reconciliation (Walker, 1979). Other researchers have highlighted the role of patriarchy and gender inequality in perpetuating cycles of abuse. In many African societies, women and girls are marginalized and disempowered, leaving them vulnerable to abuse. This can lead to a cycle of abuse in which women who have experienced violence use violence to assert their power and control. However, recent research suggests that the cycle of abuse is not as simple as once thought.

One of the most prominent African scholars to address this issue is South African psychologist Pumla Gobodo-Madikizela. In her work, she argues that there is a strong link between experiencing trauma and becoming a perpetrator of violence (Gobodo-Madikizela, 2009). This is because trauma can result in a loss of empathy and an inability to recognize the impact of one\’s actions on others. She also notes that perpetrators of violence often have a history of being abused themselves, suggesting that a cycle of abuse needs to be broken. According to a 2019 meta-analysis, while there is a correlation between being abused and becoming an abuser, the relationship is not as strong as previously believed (Assink, 2019). Other studies have found that individuals who have been abused are no more likely to become abusers than those who have not experienced abuse (Kaufman & Zigler, 1987). These findings suggest that the cycle of violence may not be a reliable explanation for why gender-based violence occurs.

Since Walker\’s study, the cycle of violence theory has been widely accepted and applied to many types of abuse, including child and sexual violence. However, the concept has been criticized for being overly simplistic and ignoring the complex social, cultural, and psychological factors contributing to gender-based violence. For example, research has found that individuals exposed to violence in their communities or who have experienced other forms of trauma are more likely to become abusers than those who have not (Holt, Buckley, & Whelan, 2008).

Despite criticism of the cycle of violence theory, it remains a popular explanation for why gender-based violence occurs. This can have negative consequences for victims of violence, who may feel stigmatized and responsible for their experiences. In addition, the theory of the cycle of violence can reinforce harmful gender stereotypes and perpetuate the notion that violence is inherent in particular communities or cultures. Similarly, Nigerian sociologist Jacob Olupona has studied the relationship between trauma and violence in African societies. He argues that the trauma of colonialism and slavery has contributed to a culture of violence in Africa, as traumatized people often seek to regain power and agency through violence. Olupona notes that traditional African cultures historically had mechanisms for conflict resolution and violence prevention, but these mechanisms have been weakened by colonialism and modernization (Olupona, 2004).

Preventing abuse requires a holistic approach considering the historical, cultural and structural factors contributing to violence. This means addressing issues such as gender inequality, trauma and the erosion of traditional conflict resolution mechanisms. It also means providing support and resources to abuse victims and addressing the root causes of violence. Whether victims of abuse become perpetrators themselves is a complex and differentiated question that needs to be carefully considered. Scholars have made significant contributions to this field, highlighting the role of trauma, patriarchy, and cultural factors in perpetuating cycles of violence. By taking a holistic approach to addressing abuse in African communities, we can work to break these cycles and create safer and more equal societies for all.

References

Assink, M., van der Put, C. E., Meeuwsen, M. W., de Jong, N. M., Oort, F. J., Stams, G. J. J., & Hoeve, M. (2019). Risk factors for child sexual abuse victimization: A meta-analytic review. Psychological bulletin, 145(5), 459.

Gobodo-Madikizela, P., & Van der Merwe, C. N. (Eds.). (2009). Memory, narrative and forgiveness: Perspectives on the unfinished journeys of the past. Cambridge Scholars Publishing.

Holt, S., Buckley, H., & Whelan, S. (2008). The impact of exposure to domestic violence on children and young people: A review of the literature. Child abuse & neglect, 32(8), 797–810.

Kaufman, J., & Zigler, E. (1987). Do abused children become abusive parents?. American journal of orthopsychiatry, 57(2), 186-192.

Olupona, J. K. (Ed.). (2004). Beyond primitivism: indigenous religious traditions and modernity. Psychology Press.

Walker, L. E. (1979). Battered women: A psychosociological study of domestic violence.

Most available data focus on rural women who inform research data that gets funding. Women\’s issues have been bundled up to the rural setting, and little attention is given to the urban woman. It does not mean that rural women should be left out, far from it. For the longest time, rural women have been disproportionately marginalized because of the physical location, economic status and level of education. However, it is fair to consider that with changing times, women in urban settings are facing discrimination just as the women in the rural setting.

In urban areas, women are becoming the majority, and many people live in female-headed households. Women\’s experiences in cities differ based on their circumstances and profiles, such as age and living space, which are primarily determined by income, education levels, household profile, networks, and health (Tacoli & Satterthwaite, 2013).

In the urban setting, the focus shifts to women and girls living in an informal settlement (slums). The gap, however, is that women and girls in the slums are more marginalized but then again, the women in \’rich\’ environments are as marginalized as the people in the slum area.

Women who are viewed by society to have \’made it\’ get the societal pressure to have it all figured out. They should be good wives, be leaders in their respective organizations, be a good sister and most importantly, wear the veil of motherhood with uttermost appreciation. However, is this even feasible? Let us look at a scenario of a woman in an 8am -5 pm work environment. She ought to be up early, get the children ready, have the husband peppered out, have breakfast ready before she takes care of herself and be at work on time. In the evening, get home on time, ensure the children have done their homework, and serve dinner. This is worse if the woman is pregnant. Society expects nothing less. Besides, an educated woman is supposed to build a community, isn\’t she?

Women are viewed differently from men. Ruth Shays states: “The mind of the man and the mind of the woman is the same. But this business of living makes women use their minds in ways that men don\’t even have to think about”. Gender disparities are felt in many facets of everyday life, including access to decent job opportunities, increased workloads due to the dual responsibility of earning a living and caring for others, access to financial assets and housing protection, equitable tenure rights, access to services, wealth accumulation, involvement in public government processes, and personal security, the latter due in part to inadequate infrastructure. (Chant & McIlwaine, 2016).

In the urban setting, the focus is on sexualizing and politicizing the woman\’s body. The pressure for the urban women to achieve their reproductive, productive and community roles leaves them vulnerable to the ‘society police’. Women are frequently urged to fulfill the roles of ego stroking girlfriend, stoic wife or nurturing mother. Not forgetting Gender-based violence which has a significant impact on women\’s economic empowerment, especially in urban settings where gender norms may be challenged.

In specific ways, changing gender roles in urban environments would necessitate greater community engagement and, in some cases, collective action to support group priorities and entitlements. (Moser, 2016).

When women have increased wealth accumulation and diversified asset portfolios, coupled with supportive structural policy initiatives and tools, they can increase their empowerment and agency to make decisions and manage assets – this can lead to a transformation of gender power relations and more gender equality (Moser, 2016).

Understanding the intersection of poverty and gender roles in urban environments involves a multi-dimensional and multi-sectoral lens. This approach will illustrate how urban prosperity does not always favor women and how they are marginalized in income poverty, asset poverty, time and power (Chant & McIlwaine, 2016).

References

Chant S. & McIlwaine C. (2016) Cities, Slums and Gender in the Global South. Abingdon, Oxon: Routledge

Moser, C. (2016) Introduction: towards a nexus linking gender, assets and transformational pathways to just cities. In Moser, C (Ed.) Gender, Asset Accumulation and Just Cities: Pathways to transformation (pp. 12-37). Abingdon, Oxon: Routledge.

Tacoli C. & Satterthwaite D. (2013) Editorial: Gender and Urban Change. Environment and Urbanisation. Vol. 25, 3-8. Retrieved from: http://eau.sagepub.com/content/25/1/3.full.pdf+html. DOI:10.1177/0956247813479086.

At this time, the world has come together to fight COVID-19, health practitioners playing the crucial role, supermarket attendants, waiters and waitresses once viewed as menial jobs are now appreciated, how COVID-19 has made us appreciate the little things. Countries globally are working round the clock to come up with a cure or a vaccine for COVID-19. I applaud all the efforts done by health practitioners and professions that would otherwise stay at home but have to serve the world. Then comes the online meeting, campaigns, debates and workshops. Topics ranging from how to cope during this period, what do to and what not to do, activities that you can engage in.

In the gender world, there has been ongoing discussions and debates on gender issues, creation of awareness and sensitizing mostly on Gender-Based Violence. It is a pity that during this period that all one need is to survive COVID-19, coupled with this, women need ways to survive GBV at work, at home and in public. According to VAWG Helpdesk report, 2020, there is an increase in GBV during COVID-19 period, for the fact that the women are locked at home with their perpetrators coupled with economic and health shocks.

Time and again, I have attended meetings organized by the same women for the same women discussing the same issues over and over again. Calling out the perpetrators who are mostly men yet they are not involved. Year after year, millions of dollars have been set aside for high-level meetings with the hope that we would find a solution to end GBV or VAWG and other obstacles to realizing Gender Equality and Women\’s Empowerment. I do recognize that the meetings have led to the development of policies, protocols and laws that cater to women\’s needs, but all is not enough. As Benjamin Franklin says by failing to prepare, you are preparing to fail.

Now that the meetings cannot physically happen, we have resorted to an online forum, with no difference at all. Calling governments to action, talking about the same old with the same women, it seems like a \’chama\’. The rural and poor women suffer the most, and the fact is that they do not benefit at all from such meetings. There has been an ongoing online campaign to end GBV. Poor and rural women who depend solely on her husband from literally everything to her sanitary towel are the most common victims of GBV. Governments are focusing on ensuring medical care for their citizens and feeding the nation, which is barely enough. None of the governments has put any measures in place that would cater to women and girls facing violence at their homes.

The time we were able to make an impact to these women, we used it to have high-level meetings, now no matter how many meetings we hold to create awareness, the women who need of most barely know of such information. Poor and rural women hardly know any emergency contacts nor health facilities they can visit if they are sexually assaulted, left alone the stigmatization they will face when they do so. The meetings for sure are impactful but on the elite bourgeoisie women.

The reality, though, the rural and poor women are suffering, and no amount of meetings will help them. We need new strategies on how we can reach the rural and poor woman—saving them from the snare of violence.

Traditionally, men are the decision-makers on the size of the family with the most significant challenge being prolonged birth spacing. The current economic status in Africa does not allow one to have large families comfortably. The use of contraceptives is highly dependent on women. Perceptions have been and still are that reproductive health falls in women’s domain due to gender norms, and as traditional family planning communication is geared mainly towards women. Women have taken up the caregiver work; being a good wife, giving birth and taking care of the children. Men have put the whole responsibility of contraceptives on women. Women should ensure that they have taken their contraceptive pills on time if they are on safe days.

The most common form of contraceptives that are being used by men is condoms, followed by the use of condoms, withdrawal and the least common are vasectomy and injections. Vasectomy/male sterilization is a minor surgery done to prevent the sperms from reaching the semen, a condom is a thin piece of rubber material that a man wears during sexual intercourse, and withdrawal is the practice of withdrawing the male genitals from the female genitals and away from the female genitals to prevent pregnancy.

Vasectomy is the least preferred method of contraception by men, mainly because it is irreversible. Culture and tradition also play a role as men must always be perceived to be productive. Condoms are the most preferred means of contraceptive methods by men and even women, not only does it prevent cases of pregnancy, but it also prevents the contraction of Sexual Transmitted Diseases (STDs). If used properly, they are 98% effective. Condoms have improved over time, and one can now get flavoured or rugged. It is, however, can cause allergic reactions, sometimes break and is seen to reduce sexual pleasure. The use of condoms reduces overtime when relationships get established, and couples resort to female contraception.  Withdrawal is a method considered for experts. It is preferred because it is easy to access, and it is free. However, it requires a lot is self-control. Most men do not prefer the use of withdrawal as it requires one to be attentive hence missing the whole point of sexual pleasure. This method faces the challenge that men are unable to withdrawal promptly or women sometimes prevent the withdrawal. Withdrawal is also advised if only one is sure of a faithful partner; otherwise, there are significant risks of contracting STIs. It is believed that pornography plays a leading role in the perception of withdrawal. Male pills and injections are still on pilot stages before men can embrace their use.

Use of male contraception has encountered obstacles like the perception that it reduces the sperm count in the semen that can cause temporary sterility, inadequate information on the long-term effects of male contraception, culture and traditions and accessibility at the clinics to mention a few. Most men are not aware of the contraceptive methods they could use. The information that they have is either through advertisements or from their spouses. Men should be sensitized on the different male contraceptives methods and breaking down the stereotypes associated with male contraceptive methods. There is a need to incorporate male contraception in sex education taught in schools, continuous campaign on the positive impact of using male contraception and most importantly have women as crucial participants in the process.

Decision-making on contraceptive methods is a shared responsibility of both men and women. Demystifying these stereotypes and having behaviour change among men is one step closer to improving Sexual Reproductive Health of women and girls.

Gender roles are responsibilities ascribed to women and men at the household, community, and workplace of any given society. The society plays the role of a watchdog to ensure that people do not tread away from the right path. Such perception has led to the rising of gender stereotypes. Gender roles are not natural for men and women. They are taught by the society which can be unlearned.

Millennials are defined as a generation group born from 1980 – 2003. Millennials believe that they can have it all, good career, family, houses, business and have fun. I do believe one can have it all. They have built their movement on bringing an end to the traditional gender roles; rebirthing a new order and group mobilization. Society views millennial as violent, unpredictable, irrational, dangerous, and who have less concern with the exiting social conventions.

The intergenerational dialogue tries to build a bridge between these two generations. The older generation had their mechanism that got things done. They paved the way for feminism that has evolved to gender equality and thus have more experience. The millennial generation, on the other hand, are more aggressive; they have the current skills needed and can get the job done. No generation is better than the other. They both have their strengths ad weakness. These generations hence need to work together, get the experience from the older generation and the skills from the millennial and build transformative strategies developing their potentials.

In modern feminism, Millennials would still argue that the men still enjoy the escalator effect as women suffer adversely from the glass ceiling effect. Research shows that as much as women are taking up a leadership position and are active in politics, men are still steps ahead. Traditional gender roles stipulate that women should maintain their activities in the private sphere and leave the public spheres for the men. And ideal woman, from a traditional perspective, is one who stays beautiful and pretty, submissive to the husband and gives birth to beautiful children. Millennials are breaking the boundaries, not only in getting high-level positions in an organization but also having a business that is growing fast, giving birth to intergenerational dialogue. A significant percentage of Millennials have registered in their minds that the only way to achieve gender equality is by getting men off from their positions. I have attended meetings that are only women, discussing women issues and always blame men for all the troubles they have.

A society of only women or only men is a society condemned to disappear. Gender equality is not a battle between men and women, but an opportunity for men and women to complement their flaws.

Susan Nyabena

We are in an era that women believe that men are trash. The perception is, women are too empowered to need men in their lives. They have a good job, business, they have built their networks and therefore do not need men in their lives. It is not only on personal relationships but at workplaces and is vivid on campaigns that fight for gender equality. Millennials, however, has been accused of double standards. An example, a woman would want a man to kneel when proposing to her but yet, they wouldn’t kneel to serve food to their husband. These are conversations that struck social media almost every day. Millennial has come up with a list of what an ideal man is.

On the other hand, the men have taken a step back. I have seen several cases where the woman is the sole breadwinner; she would pay the bills and take care of the children, on the other hand, the man would lazy around the house waiting for the women to come back. It has all blamed it on neglecting the boy child, and thus they are less empowered. Or rater put, we have empowered women with no empowered men to take care of them.

Gender roles can be unlearned. Nothing is constant. In the private sector, I would say the husband and wife should agree on what suits them. Am a traditional woman, I would serve my husband; however, he wants to, and he would be out there providing for the family. I would say that this does not act as an indicator of achieving gender equality, it is rather personal, and it’s our choice—a little more of defining our personal relationships from work. At the public sphere, we apply the 50/50 rule of gender equality. The freedom to open a company to own land to access bank loans to set up a business in all areas in one word to be free of your movement and actions without any fear of any violent/reprehensible action against your personality this where lies the true indicators of women empowerment. A society of only women or only men is a society condemned to disappear. Gender equality is not a battle between men and women, but an opportunity for men and women to complement their flaws.

Susan Nyabena is a Gender and Social Development Activist. Her passion is embedded in youth and children issues with a particular interest in advocacy for Gender Equality, Women Empowerment, Sexual Reproductive and Health Rights. Susan is on a mission to place gender equality at the center of economic, political and social changes. To a establish an outside-the-box approach to advocacy for equality, she also grows her expertise in protection & case management, counselling, project management, data collection and analysis, social media management, community mobilization and behavior change communication.

Currently Susan is the Chief Executive Officer of Gender Ink A Platform that gives, men, women and youth groups to document their voices on Gender Equality and Women’s Empowerment.

Working as a Junior Programme Officer at the African Union Commission, she has had experience in leading stakeholder engagement with Regional Economic Communities and various African Union Structures on different projects regarding Gender Equality and Women Empowerment mainstreaming; Providing technical support to the Women, Gender and Development Directorate and other departments preparing in-like events and programmatic engagements; Held an Analyst Officer position at the African Union Commission where I developed and disseminated factsheets and briefings to raise awareness on matters arising on gender equality; Communication focal person for Gender Advocacy and Women’s &Human Rights Campaign including drafting of key messages and social media management.

Away from the office, Susan blogs about the skills and self-assurance needed to take control of inequality issues in the world and her articles featured on Impakter and AfroIdea Magazine.

SUSAN NYABENA

The third edition of Books for Peace 2019 / award for investigative journalism Javier Valdez, aimed to reward and give recognition to all those who have carried out activities of peace, charity, humanity to journalists, students, writers, politicians, and diplomats.

I came to know about the award through Prof.Antonio Imeneo, DIRECTOR FUNVIC EU- (BFUCA UNESCO BRASIL, WFUCA). I got nominated for the award out of my work on Gender Equality and Women’s Empowerment. I would say I was a bit surprised, rarely do youths get recognized for the work they do, let alone on gender issues. I am happy and grateful.

The Books for Peace Awards gives you the opportunity to be a member of the Books for Peace International Commission for your country, promoting and rewarding the art and culture of Human Rights.

SUSAN NYABENA

I would encourage my fellow youths to participate in such awards. You have the opportunity to partner with Books for Peace and have your work featured on their website, becoming an ambassador in your country on peace and culture and most importantly leading advocacy activities on peace and culture.

Books For Peace Award was born from a project of a group of associations: FUNVIC (FundaçãoUniversitária Vida Cristã) – Brasil club Unesco BFUCA-WFUCA Sec. Europe; ANASPOL (Local Police); in collaboration with SULPL, Ass.ne NazleGiudici di Pace, IADPES, CIVU Malta, with the aim of enhancing the books, not among the first in the national ranking, which deal with the topics of Peace, not only among peoples but of peoples, such as gender-based violence, bullying, racial and religious discrimination.

Gender Ink is devoted to ink gender issues; documenting the struggles and achievements acquired through the journey of achieving Gender Equality and Women’s Empowerment. The Magazine acts as a gender platform that gives both women, youths and men groups a voice, which leads to actions.

The approach for the Book for Peace aims to recognise the achievements of individuals on Human Rights, Women’s Rights, fight against Gender-Based Violence, fight against violence against children, women, sexual abuse Peace and security and culture. The BOOKS for PEACE award has this goal, culture as a seed of peace.

In this regard, the Gender Ink is welcoming submissions on the Books for Peace Awards 2020 focusing on Human Rights, Women’s Rights, fight against Gender-Based Violence, fight against violence against children, women, sexual abuse Peace and security and culture. These people will be rewarded with the Books for the Peace prize. The entries to be submitted will be on four categories: music videos, documentaries, write-ups/poetry and photography.

Winners will be awarded Books for Peace Award 2020 and their work/materials will be used in developing promotional materials for Gender Ink and Books for Peace. Accepted submissions will also be posted on the official Gender Ink Website and Books for Peace Website.

Requirements and Specifics

1. The submissions should focus on your achievements on Human Rights, Women’s Rights, fight against Gender-Based Violence, fight against violence against children, women, and sexual abuse
2. Please submit your biography (70 words).
3. Links to personal work being done on the key areas highlighted above

Eligibility criteria

1. Between 18 and 35 years old
2. Must be from the East Africa Region

Submission procedures and guidelines

1. Please submit your bio and other supporting materials through info@blog.genderink.com. Subject line: \”Books For Peace Award 2020\”.
2. Please provide a short description, not more than 250 words on how your work represents the Books for Peace Award.
3. Deadline for application is 27 March 2020 5.00 pm EAC

Benefits for the winner

1. Winners will be awarded Books for Peace Award 2020
2. Materials submitted will be used in developing Gender Ink and Books for Peace promotional materials and acknowledgement given.
3. Accepted submissions will also be posted on the official Gender Ink Website and Books for Peace Website.

For any further inquiries, please contact info@blog.genderink.com.

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Rosie Selena

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Getting Crypto Rich

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Discipline was key; I learned what is expected of me by society and especially how to behave’ myself when I get married. In my life of courtship, I met one guy who never believed in wedding ceremonies, let alone paying the bride price. His idea was, we movein together, and we ‘make it work’. I never got to respond to this statement and at the end of it all, I ended up being branded the most complicated individual he has ever met (truth be told, everyone says am complicated, and I think I am).

This got me thinking. For a start, let us get some words right. More than often, people confuse the meaning of bride price and Dowry.

SUSAN NYABENA

Bride price or bridewealth is money that is paid by the groom to the bride’s family at the time of marriage and Dowry is money paid by the bride to the groom’s family at the time of marriage or wealth transferred to the husband’s family.

Bride price is one of the beautiful traditions that is still practised today in many parts of the world despite civilization. It is seen as a form of bonding between the bride’s and the groom’s family, and it acts as a form of appreciation by the groom’s family to the bride’s family for taking care of the bride. It also shows commitment by the groom to having the lady as his wife.

In Kenya, the amount of bride price expected from the man varies with different situations including; virginity (it is higher if the lady is a virgin), social status (lady coming from a wealthy family increases the amount of bride price), level of education (woe unto the man who marries the lady with masters or PhD and a fat salary). Men give up on the women they love because they cannot afford to pay the bride price, others resort to cohabiting or unplanned pregnancies obliging the families to agree with them being married. People have gotten in debt just to offset the bride price, which entangles them in poverty.

Bride price has, for a long time, been seen as a factor in instigating gender inequality. It perpetuates Gender-Based Violence in marriages. Some of my male friends say the amount of money they spend on the bride price and the wedding is like buying a piece of land, and it gives them the ‘right’ to own the lady. It automatically reduces the status of the woman in marriage, her decision making power, her Sexual, Reproductive and Health Rights not to mention their financial status. There are ladies that undergo virginity tests; they are forced to get married to men they do not love as long as they can pay good dowry price. Women have had to stay in violent relationships because their families cannot afford to pay back the bride price. The fact is payment of bride price can lead to poverty, the debt that most people get into, and have fundraising committees. Bride price is used to gauge the financial stability of their future son in law. The man is expected to have a car, a house, bring bank statements and all. In my community, bulls have just to be part of the bride price regardless of how much money the man is offering. Parents use bride price to extort money from the groom that has presented the women as property to bought.

In communities that pay Dowry, it is considered as a form of protection of the women to avoid being taken advantage of. Dowry is considered as a token to the young couple as they start their marriage; it buffers the lady in case of the husband’s death or during a divorce. Dowry acts as a form of security or form of inheritance that is to be divided among the children.

SUSAN NYABENA

What would happen if our society considers the line of dowry payment instead of bride price? Will it reduce the violence experience in marriages? Will it reduce monetizing marriages and the pressure of marrying rich men? Will it allow women to make decisions about their lives without the permission of their husbands? Bride price ought to be a good culture that should be appreciated rather than being used as a money-making business.

Discipline was key; I learned what is expected of me by society and especially how to behave’ myself when I get married. In my life of courtship, I met one guy who never believed in wedding ceremonies, let alone paying the bride price. His idea was, we movein together, and we ‘make it work’. I never got to respond to this statement and at the end of it all, I ended up being branded the most complicated individual he has ever met (truth be told, everyone says am complicated, and I think I am).

This got me thinking. For a start, let us get some words right. More than often, people confuse the meaning of bride price and Dowry.

SUSAN NYABENA

Bride price or bridewealth is money that is paid by the groom to the bride’s family at the time of marriage and Dowry is money paid by the bride to the groom’s family at the time of marriage or wealth transferred to the husband’s family.

Bride price is one of the beautiful traditions that is still practised today in many parts of the world despite civilization. It is seen as a form of bonding between the bride’s and the groom’s family, and it acts as a form of appreciation by the groom’s family to the bride’s family for taking care of the bride. It also shows commitment by the groom to having the lady as his wife.

In Kenya, the amount of bride price expected from the man varies with different situations including; virginity (it is higher if the lady is a virgin), social status (lady coming from a wealthy family increases the amount of bride price), level of education (woe unto the man who marries the lady with masters or PhD and a fat salary). Men give up on the women they love because they cannot afford to pay the bride price, others resort to cohabiting or unplanned pregnancies obliging the families to agree with them being married. People have gotten in debt just to offset the bride price, which entangles them in poverty.

Bride price has, for a long time, been seen as a factor in instigating gender inequality. It perpetuates Gender-Based Violence in marriages. Some of my male friends say the amount of money they spend on the bride price and the wedding is like buying a piece of land, and it gives them the ‘right’ to own the lady. It automatically reduces the status of the woman in marriage, her decision making power, her Sexual, Reproductive and Health Rights not to mention their financial status. There are ladies that undergo virginity tests; they are forced to get married to men they do not love as long as they can pay good dowry price. Women have had to stay in violent relationships because their families cannot afford to pay back the bride price. The fact is payment of bride price can lead to poverty, the debt that most people get into, and have fundraising committees. Bride price is used to gauge the financial stability of their future son in law. The man is expected to have a car, a house, bring bank statements and all. In my community, bulls have just to be part of the bride price regardless of how much money the man is offering. Parents use bride price to extort money from the groom that has presented the women as property to bought.

In communities that pay Dowry, it is considered as a form of protection of the women to avoid being taken advantage of. Dowry is considered as a token to the young couple as they start their marriage; it buffers the lady in case of the husband’s death or during a divorce. Dowry acts as a form of security or form of inheritance that is to be divided among the children.

SUSAN NYABENA

What would happen if our society considers the line of dowry payment instead of bride price? Will it reduce the violence experience in marriages? Will it reduce monetizing marriages and the pressure of marrying rich men? Will it allow women to make decisions about their lives without the permission of their husbands? Bride price ought to be a good culture that should be appreciated rather than being used as a money-making business.